A little about myself and how I got where I am

I've had some questions lately wondering a few things about me and my relationship with midwifery and schooling.  I thought I might answer them here since I'm sure for every person that asks a question, many more are thinking them.  My main purpose of starting this blog was to help prospective students (and eventually students) to understand what the lived experience of the midwifery education program is like, but I never really did give myself a backgrounder!

My first thought of midwifery was when I was 19, and newly pregnant with my first daughter.  I even called Ryerson and had their MEP information package sent to me, but after longingly reaading through it, I put it down and forgot about it.  I was sure that I would never be able to do it, for a number of reasons.  Mostly because we were poor.  But also because of a secret that I sometimes try to keep hidden (although I'm not really sure why) - due to a tumultuous and emotional adolesence, I dropped out of high school at 17 and never went back.  Seriously, who could possibly get into an amazing program like that with no high school diploma? 

Then, my daughter was born.  Struggling to heal from a very difficult birth (emotionally), I confided to my doula that I was interested in supporting birth.  Mostly, to try and help women to avoid unwanted c-section, since that was so close to home for me.  Luckily, she just happens to be a doula trainer, so I attended one of her trainings and also eventually started running a c-section/VBAC support group online and through in person meetings.  Ever since my daughter was born, I've been very passionate about VBACs, and I found myself attending quite a few.  Many of these which were attended by OBs (ok not just VBACs) frustrated me to no ends.  Why can a woman not ask to sit in a different position?  To have a few more hours time when the baby is doing well?  Why does she not deserve a better connection with her care provider, more respect, more information? 

Well, of course she deserves it.  She just doesn't have a midwife!  Absolutely, many OB/nurse attended births I went to were lovely, and women were well informed and choices were made together - but overwhelmingly, most were not.  And as the doula, with no real rights in the birthing room, there was little I could do about it aside from help her to feel better about it.  It was through this process that I revisited the idea of being a midwife.  I had probably been to 10 or 15 births by the time I started working on the prerequisites for the program:
- Gr 12 University level english
- Gr 12 University level social science
- Gr 12 University level chemistry or biology

I also got my high school equivalency. And I passed everything with flying colours.  This really helped me to develop my writing and understanding skills.  I was part way through getting these courses when I gave birth to my son.  This was rather monumental for me, because I was aware of the potential for my motivations to completely change depending on how his birth turned out.  I was so, so devoted to VBAC (homebirth, actually).  And I didn't know if I would still be as committed to birth if I got the "birth of my dreams".  Or whether it would be too difficult for me to revisit if I didn't.  So I left myself open to suggestion.  Thankfully, once the acute memory of the pain of feeling him coming out, the overwhelming sense that I needed to continue on this mission came over me.  I started going back to births much sooner than I expected after he wass born (8 months maybe) and LOVED it.  FAR more than I had before I had Robin - - - because my demons were gone.  I can't restate this enough - birth professionals who have their own personal birth baggage from their own births are really at risk of carrying this around with them to other women.  Lucky for me (and the women I was working with) this baggage got carried away when I got the "birth of my dreams" and I knew I was ready. 

I applied to the MEP at Ryerson in Toronto when my second was 12 months old  (and I, only 24).  The waiting process was excruciating.  I'm a great writer, and I wasn't worried about the letter I wrote, but the time after the interviews was back breaking.  And then I got the heart breaking news that I was wait listed.  I took it completely as a failure, and I signed up for 5 courses at Athabasca University (online) that I knew would qualify as transfer credits, so that next year my load would be lighter.  Well, no sooner had they arrived in the mail when I got the call that I was accepted!!!!  What a wonderful feeling! 

 Managing the program itself, with two small children and a one-way 2.5 hour commute (yup, 5 hours a day) is a challenge, but I am by no means the only one doing it.  Although I sent many of those Athabasca courses back, I did one through that summer, and am doing another three currently, during this summer approaching second year.  This has been tremendously helpful in reducing my commute down to only three days a week (except for first semester).  I'm one of the rare few who doesn't have a university degree already (and even rarer that never finished high school), so taking these courses helped to lighten the very heavy courseload for those who didn't come in with a ton of transfer credits. 

So, there's the long story short (or not so short)!  Voila, Melissa, the former-doula-soonish-to-be-midwife.  I'm sure the story will get MUCH more interesting when placement starts in January.  I'm so scared!