The big, gigantic paper

Yes, the paper we've all been dreading is fast approaching...  the class which most of us hold so dear to our hearts will come to a close, which means we all must spit out the dreaded 20 pager.  For me, one of the few in our program who hasn't been in university before, this means the largest piece of writing that I have yet produced, and I've taken it ridiculously seriously.  In part, of course, because of my deep admiration for an incredible, unforgettable teacher and a strong desire to impress her.  But also, because of how near and dear the subject of my paper is.  I'll make it available on here once it is done, but for now I'd like to explain for those who might be curious why on earth I might choose to explore Unassisted birth - a topic which leaves out not only hospitals and doctors, but midwives as well.  A group of women which most midwives would not expect to encounter. 

Well, here's why...

First, there is a great deal to learn from a group of people who have utmost confidence in their bodies.  Can we ever say, about any other group of people, that they are so strong, self-assured, and trusting of their bodies that they are comfortable managing something with as much cultural stigma as birthing alone?  Can we imagine, perhaps, that there is a certain kind of strength that women who birth alone might emanate which we could benefit from picking up on?  I sure believe so.

I came to start learning about unassisted birth (herein, UC) long before I came to the conclusion that I need to be a midwife.  While participating rather actively on ICAN forums (International Cesarean Awareness Network - a strong network of women who have been through unwanted cesarean section and are healing together) I first stumbled upon the fact that VBAC is not available to a great many women in the US and here in Canada.  What a tragedy this idea is.  But more tragic than this is that not only will many OBs and hospitals work with women who have previous cesarean sections, but many midwives won't either.  What sort of choice does this leave women who want a VBAC?  Not much.  Either lie down on the operating table and wait for the knife, labor at home until you're pushing and hope you give birth in the first five minutes you get through the door of the hospital (and face the peril of hospital intimidation), or do it yourself.  Okay, so this is not the situation in my home town, nor is it for most of the area that I live in.  But there you have it - my first exposure to some of the myriad of reasons why women might choose to birth alone.

Yep, I sure was intrigued.  Since the first thing out of my doctors mouth after my own cesarean was "Yes, you can have a VBAC next time, but heavens dont do it at home!!!" I was already contemplating how I'd manage to get myself a homebirth. So yes, crazy as it may seem, my hurting, healing, badly-in-need-of-recognition-and-empowerment 20-year-old self thought about getting pregnant and staying home and not having any help.  Call me what you will.  Like I said, I thought about it. 

Thinking about it led me to some UC forums, where I saw other women healing from traumatic experiences, sharing empowering homebirth stories, and supporting eachother in learning how they can take responsibility for their own pregnancies and births.  Some still had back-up midwives, some were completely on their own, others saw an OB on the side.  But they all had a common goal, which inevitably they share with almost every other Mama out there - a positive birth experience and a healthy baby.  They just had a different way of perceiving what that means.

Sometimes I hear harsh criticism of women who want to birth alone.  I hear people calling them selfish, only wanting to focus on the birth experience and not on the safety of their babies, dangerous, crazy.  And yet, my experience was that these women were mostly thoughtful, intelligent people.  Much like women who choose midwife-attended homebirth, they wanted to escape the perils of hospital intervention, and valued the intimate nature of birth and the intimacy and privacy that it may need to run smoothly.  Not really so different from many of the rest of us, except that they saw midwives as more like the hospital than the birth partner, and sometimes, in some cases, I think they're right for thinking this.

SO I chose to examine women who birth unassisted because midwives have much to learn about these women who are so often their greatest supporters, and their harshest critics.  We have much to learn about the women who value pure unhindered birth the most.  And learn, I have.

And no, I did not have an unassisted homebirth.  I believe in midwifery, and loved my midwives, too much not to ask them to come to our HBAC.  I did, however, become picky about which midwives I wanted, and made sure that I had full trust in the ones I chose.